Back to Work

I have a great job. It is my first and only "real" job. It is the job that I took after 7 straight years of school (gag). My boss is great, my co-PA (if that is even a word) is awesome, and my other coworkers are friendly. My hours are flexible. There really isn't any overtime. I have an office with a wall of windows and a door that locks. My lunches are free (at the free cafeteria...or freeateria, as we call it). Most days, I can wear scrub pants, a t-shirt or hoodie sweatshirt, and tennis shoes...that's pretty much like wearing pajamas to work.

But, now we have a bundle of baby love, and I have been so torn on what to do with regards to work. Before I had Benton, I figured I would go part-time, but was also somewhat open to working full-time. Then Benton came, and I knew immediately that there was no way that I could leave him 5 days a week. No way. I also know that being a full-time stay-at-home mom isn't really for me.

About 2 weeks ago, I came back to work part-time. Leaving Benton for the first time was horrible. I cried. And cried. And cried. And cried more. I actually held it together until I got in my car after leaving him. After I composed myself enough to go into work, I didn't even get to my office before the doc whose office is next to mine asked how I was doing. Tears. And that continued all.day.long.

It's gotten easier now, but my heart is still torn on what exactly to do. I definitely don't want to work full-time or stay at home full-time, so now I just have to find the part-time schedule that works best for us. It does help knowing that Benton is in such great care while I am working, and I am so stinking excited to see him at the end of the day. Literally, he could do anything and I am unfazed. I feel like being away from him makes me so much more grateful for the time that I have with him. But, it is still hard to be away from him.

So, for those of you who ask me how I am doing, hopefully that gives you a better idea. I feel like I should have a long letter to give to everyone who asks so that I can really get my feelings across. It's hard to properly explain how I am doing when there are so many conflicting emotions.

Disclaimer: This is just about ME, so please don't take offense to anything I wrote if you are either a full-time working mom or a stay-at-home mom.